A couple of months ago I was talking about how I felt in control and increasing in confidence. This is still true, however I am finding certain aspects difficult to wrap my head around. We are expected to function as part of the team - but what if that team won't accept me? It very much depends on which staff are on - some seem to think I'm capable only of menial tasks like making beds or emptying pans. The things I am "allowed" to do changes with the tide, it seems. Some days I don't know if I'm coming or going! You'd think I got my registration from a Corn Flakes box! The changing standards are frustrating. While these basic tasks are important, yes, and I have no problem with doing them, I am still an RN and capable of the full scope of RN practice. Grad programs are meant to be about developing your practice and consolidating your education, after all. I have even had people turn and walk away when I have asked them to assist me with something. It's like they don't quite know what to do with me, like I'm an inconvenience. There even seems to be a thing among some staff that new grad RNs are automatically lazy and must be hounded to do every shower, bed change and linen bag swap in the place. Anyone who knows me understands that I am definitely NOT lazy!
I have been speaking to some of my colleagues about how I would like to try some other areas, such as theatre and ED. My fellow new grads are now into their second rotation, and yet I am still doing the same thing. I am not unhappy with what I am doing, however being the ambitious soul that I am, I want to experience more. It's what I'm here for. The problem is, many of my colleagues do not agree. The usual response to my discussions is "you're just a new grad." Ah, yes, bottom of the food chain! And I am supposed to integrate into this team?
But seriously folks, what has being a new grad got to do with it? New grads work in EDs, they work in theatres, they work in critical care in many places. Everyone started with no experience in a new area, whether they were an experienced nurse prior to it or not. Even our students work in all areas. The only way to learn is to experience......and the grad program is about learning different aspects of nursing. There are staff ready and willing to have me rostered with them and show me the ropes, yet others continue to block me. I swear that I did more as an AiN, before I graduated! It's most disheartening. I can only look at it as some kind of possessional thing - ie, it's OUR domain and YOU don't belong here. I passed my final practical assessment in a far busier ED than this one, and immediately prior spent 4 weeks doing theatres, so I know I can do the job, and I think I've adapted to rural nursing quite well.
It's no wonder people leave! To be made to feel you aren't good enough, when you are busting your backside to do your best, can really cut deep. Why would you want to be surrounded by people like this? I don't know. But you know what? It's their loss, not mine. I am keen, willing to learn and adapt, full of ideas and VERY ambitious - and if they don't want that, if they want the same old thing, if they want to stagnate, then so be it. What happens when all their "experienced" staff retire? Once the program is finished, I have the choice to stay or go, provided there are positions available. That choice is not yet made of course, but the culture of the workplace is always one of the biggest factors in any job. There are always people you don't get along with, which is to be expected, but to be openly discriminated against is disheartening to say the least. I see it as the biggest barrier to my professional development at present.
Not that everyone is like this, far from it. Most of them are great! The problem is, you remember the bad ones.....and how they made you feel. And it only takes one on a shift.......Although, it was nice to hear that the students prefer to be with me. Apparently I'm a natural teacher, so there you go! (And the person who told me that WAS a teacher, so should know, lol.)
And here's a cartoon to brighten your day :-)
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